Here’s a paradox most professionals miss: The fastest way to gain influence isn’t by talking more. It’s by listening better.
If you’re always pitching, explaining, or correcting, you’re not leading a conversation. You’re dominating one. Domination rarely persuades.
The most persuasive person in the room is often the one saying the least.
Gong.io is an AI-driven platform that analyzes billions of interactions to identify trends and increase sales effectiveness. Here’s what they uncovered in an analysis of 25,000 sales calls:
Top closers spoke 43% of the time and listened 57%, while average performers spoke more than they listened.
The Problem: You Think You’re Being Persuasive, But You’re Just Being Redundant
In high-stakes conversations, people tend to overcompensate. We double down on our talking points. We repeat ourselves. We add more data, more urgency, more logic.
But here’s the hard truth: People don’t listen when they don’t feel heard.
If your team, client, or partner doesn’t feel seen, your words, no matter how smart or strategic, will bounce off a wall of resistance.
The Solution: Use Listening As Your Power Move
Want to shift a conversation, build trust, or change someone’s mind? Stop trying to prove your point. Start making them feel understood.
This isn’t about nodding politely while someone talks. This is active, focused listening, the kind that builds bridges and softens defenses.
Three habits of persuasive listeners:
- Validate Before You Pivot – Say: “Here’s what I heard you say…” before jumping into your view.
- Ask Sharp Questions – Not vague check-ins like “How’s that sound?” but clarity drivers like “What’s most important for you right now?” or “How would you measure success in this situation?”
- Really Pause. – After someone finishes speaking, wait 2-3 seconds before responding. It might seem like a long time in practice, but it signals respect and keeps you from rushing into rebuttal mode.
Real-World Example: The FBI Negotiator Trick
One of the simplest and most powerful ways to make someone feel heard is to reflect what they have just said, not as a technique, but as a way of staying connected in the moment.
Former FBI negotiator Chris Voss calls this “mirroring.” It’s as simple as repeating the last few words someone says, with genuine interest and not in a robotic or rehearsed way.
“It sounds like timing is your biggest concern?”
“So, you’re saying the last rollout fell flat?”
Communication Move #2: Listen to persuade.
The next time you feel the urge to jump in and prove yourself, don’t. Powerful communicators talk less, listen more, and persuade faster.
Join me next week for Part 3: Say Less, Mean More – Be Brief To Build Authority
Jo-Aynne Von Born, Leadership and Executive Coach
Reprinted from my weekly newsletter, Awaken Your Potential. Join here to receive for free.