-Three tips for getting comfortable with small talk.

Did you know “We Now Need College Courses to Teach Young Adults How to Make Small Talk?”

Unfortunately, that’s the title of a recent Wall Street Journal article. It reported that 80% of college seniors believe they are “very/extremely proficient” in communication. In comparison, only 54% of employers agree, according to 2022 surveys by the National Association of Colleges and Employers.

The demise of talking small.

It’s not surprising, considering this entire generation has interacted more with their smartphones than face-to-face with real, live human beings. Factor in the the cocooning during COVID, which kept social interactions at bay and you have a recipe for small talk deficiency.

But it’s not just younger adults. Recently, a client in his 40s lamented that he didn’t make any fruitful connections at a networking event he attended. When I asked about the conversations he participated in, he couldn’t tell me any specifics about the different people he talked to, where they worked, their position or how they got into their line of work.

The problem: His hyper-focus on promoting himself alienated others and got in the way of developing meaningful business connections.

Small talk is your opportunity.

Small talk can seem like a waste of time in our ultra-efficient world of productivity hacks and success shortcuts. But it isn’t. It’s how you put others at ease, something very worthwhile, especially when trying to establish a new relationship.

Effective small talk typically focuses on learning about the other person more than sharing your opinions. Dale Carnegie, author of the timeless classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, famously said, “Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”

Small talk tips.

Here are some practical suggestions for meeting new people in professional and social situations:

In general, approach others in a friendly manner, making eye contact and introducing yourself with a confident handshake if applicable (networking, interviews).

Ask open-ended questions about others’ work or experiences that begin with how or what to get them to open up. Capitalize on the idea that everybody loves to talk about themselves. Create a conversation that has them walk away thinking this about you, “I’m not sure what it is, but there’s something about that person that I like.”

When others speak, listen for an exciting or unusual detail as a launch pad for a more in-depth conversation. People feel an instant bond with you when they realize you have been paying attention to what they say.

As a whole, aim to make these interactions conversational and personable. Small talk is the unofficial test between two people that makes or breaks the chance for continued connection. That may be why they need a college course to teach it.

Small talk is about something other than showing how valuable and interesting you are. It’s about exploring how valuable and interesting the other person is.

That will get you in the door every time.

Till next week,

Jo-Aynne Von Born, Leadership and Executive Coach